A man decided to ask his wife if she had ever been unfaithful to him, and he found out exactly how devoted his wife was to his health and happiness.
A couple had just returned from a lovely 25th wedding anniversary dinner and wanted to relax with some alcohol for a while before they went to bed. Since it was a special occasion, they dove into the bottle of champagne they got as a present instead.
Before long, the couple got tipsy and after pondering the thought for a second, the husband asked his wife, “Tell me honestly, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”
After giving it a second’s thought the wife said, “Well, since you ask,” and took another sip of champagne before she continued, “to tell you the truth I have been unfaithful on three different occasions.”
The husband’s face drained of color as he asked, “But how you could you do that to me?”
“Let me tell you about it,” the wife said wanting to explain the circumstances and promptly continued:
“The first time was back when we were first married. You needed open heart surgery and we didn’t have the money, so I went to bed with the surgeon and got him to operate for free.”
It amazed him that she would go that far to ensure he got the medical care he needed and said, “Wow, that was very noble of you, I should probably be grateful because that operation saved my life!”
He then remembered his wife said she had been unfaithful three times and asked, “But tell me, what happened the second time?”
After taking another sip of champagne she said:
“Do you remember that you wanted the position of the regional manager, and they were going to pass you over for someone else? Well, I went to bed with the President and the Vice President and they gave you the job.”
The statement hit on his ego a little but the husband was impressed nonetheless and went on to ask about the third time.
The wife gulped down the remainder of her champagne as she replied: “Do you remember two years ago when you wanted to become President of the Baseball Team, and you were missing 53 votes…?”
In another story, a husband was suspecting his wife of having an affair. Realizing that he was to go on a business trip for several days, he decided to
set a trap for her.
He put a bowl of milk under the bed. From the bedsprings, he then suspended a spoon. Being the smart man that he is, he calibrated it so that her weight on the bed would not drop the spoon into the milk. Any more weight than that, the spoon would drop and he would detect her infidelity.
After his business trip, he rushed home. The first thing he did was reach under the bed to retrieve the bowl.
To his surprise, the bowl was full of butter.