Are you guilty of ‘pedestaling’? Constantly putting your partner first could sabotage the relationship, claim experts

DO you feel like your partner is out of your league and you constantly put them first?

It could be harming your chance at long-term love, as dating experts have coined the behaviour as ‘pedestaling.’


Putting a partner before yourself constantly can be a form of ‘pedestaling’, according to dating expertsCredit: Getty Images – Getty

This is when you make a partner or a date “unattainable” to avoid confronting your own issues, says relationship coach Jo Barnet, 46, from London.

Pedestaling can manifest in two different ways, with the first being when you think your partner is out of your league and too good for you.

This can be as a result of you having a low self-esteem or because you want to protect yourself emotionally.


The second type of pedestaling is when you feel the need to “fix” your partner and keep the spotlight on them.

This means you constantly think about them and their improvement, but not how you can grow yourself.

Jo explained to MailOnline: “People often choose their partners based on the fact that they like them but they’d also like a few changes.

“Essentially you’re going for attraction rather than the qualities you need in a person. 

“Then you try to encourage those other traits out rather than finding someone based on their traits first.”

Psychologist Jennifer Tomlinson said believing a partner is out of your league can sabotage a relationship.

She added to Live Science: “People who are feeling over-idealised may feel like they have more power in the relationship, so they may be less willing to put their partner first.”

Jo advised you can stop pedalastaling by analysing your communication and seeing if it is one-sided and you are chasing them.

She concluded: “Relationships do bring up your major insecurities so the only way around that is to stay focused on your life, on your goals. 

“The relationship is the icing on the cake, you don’t want to merge into your partner and give everything to your partner.”

Previously, we revealed the dating term ‘breadcrumbing’ and how it has replaced ghosting.

And soft-ghosting is the infuriating new dating trend you need to know about before it drives you mad.

Woman ghost by partner of two years shocked when police tell her he doesn’t exist when she files a missing person report

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