AN AFFAIR doesn’t have to spell the end of the relationship – it could actually be the best thing to happen.
Too many couples call time on their relationships when they find out their other half has been cheating but they shouldn’t be so fast to throw their love away.
Yes, the betrayal will hurt but it could also be the wake-up call so many couples desperately need.
When I came clean about my affair to an ex partner I thought it would sound the death knell in our relationship – but it actually saved us.
Like most couples in long-term partnerships, we had drifted into boredom and mundanity.
The affair gave us a chance to be honest with each other, in a no holds-barred way.
Was our love worth saving – or should we just call it quits?
I told my primary partner I wasn’t emotionally invested in the other guy – I just enjoyed the attention.
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This it true but I deliberately left out all the sordid details about the adventurous sex we’d been having. When it comes to saving someone’s feelings, honesty is not always the best policy.
Instead, I concentrated on issues we’d been sweeping under the carpet for months – like our boring, predictable sex and the fact we felt more like flatmates than lovers.
Rather than forcing us apart, the revelation made us realise how much we loved one another and brought us closer together.
I ended up the victim and my boyfriend apologised to me
Yes, he was livid with me and it took me time to rebuild his trust – but when I explained my reasons for playing away (he was working late most nights and I felt neglected) it made him take stock and realise he’d been taking me for granted.
Somehow, I ended up the victim and he started apologising to me. That may sound crazy but most adulterers aren’t bad people, they’re good people who have made a mistake.
Relationships take two to tango and while what I did was wrong, his behaviour had not been great either.
As the days rolled into weeks, we managed to patch things up and dedicated more time to one another.
We started making room for date nights and began flirting again with one another – even if it was nothing more than a cheeky snog during the day.
Twice a week we’d turn off our smartphones and turn each other on.
We also scheduled in sex – which I know sounds miserable and unsexy but we both had busy jobs and clashing social lives so it worked for us.
Soon we were having just-met sex again and up to five times a day. It felt like we were back in the early, flirty, days of our relationship.
Better sex with your partner after they’ve been unfaithful is actually more common than you might think.
Research shows some spouses become more sexually attracted to their partner post-affair and their increased desire for them is because they’re ‘staking their claim’ – either consciously or unconsciously.
What’s more, the more you do it the more you want it and that was definitely true for us. Our libidos went through the roof after I confessed to cheating – as did our love and affection for one another.
Today, thanks to digital dating, it has never been easier to cheat – so is it time we became more open minded when it comes to infidelity?
After all, one third of marriages will end in divorce and that figure is expected to rocket post-pandemic.
So before you walk away from a loverat partner, take a step back and look at your relationship honestly.
Did you do anything which may have pushed them away? Are you still sexually attracted to them? Has the affair rebooted your sex drive?
If the answer is yes, then you can come out of it stronger – in and out of the bedroom.