JENNETTE McCurdy has shared the relief she felt after losing her “abusive” mother and her attempt to “heal” from their mangled relationship through a new dark comedy show.
The iCarly star left Hollywood behind shortly after her mom Debbie died of cancer.
Jennette, 29, recently wrapped her one-woman LA comedy show “I’m Glad My Mom Died” after debuting the dark piece in early September.
The child star has reflected on her performance as a healing mechanism for their “abusive” relationship that sent her spiraling into “eating disorders and addiction.”
“It’s thought-provoking,” she told People in regards to the comedy routine.
“But even though it may seem black and white, there’s a fullness to my narrative. Life can be dark and messy. Nobody has a perfect life.
“My earliest memories of childhood were of heaviness and chaos. My mom’s emotions were so erratic that it was like walking a tightrope every day. The mood fluctuations were daily,” the Nickelodeon star added.
Jennette explained how growing up, she would watch physical fights between her parents, Debbie and Mark.
When the actress turned six, her mother became obsessed with the notion of turning her into “a star.”
“My mom had always dreamt of being a famous actor and she became obsessed with making me a star.”
Jennette began attending auditions although she felt she was painfully “shy.”
“I felt like my job was to keep the peace. And I wanted to make my mom happy.”
Debbie became increasingly preoccupied with her daughter’s appearance, bleaching her hair and whitening her teeth by the time she turned 10.
When Jennette was 11 her mom began teaching her how to count calories, and when she landed her first big role on Nick’s iCarly, she had developed “full-fledged anorexia.”
The singer-songwriter fell victim to multiple eating disorders, developing binge eating, and later bulimia.
In a bizarre confession, the blonde told the outlet that “Debbie insisted on performing vaginal and breast exams and never let her shower alone.”
“I know if my mom were alive, I’d still have an eating disorder. It was only distance from her that allowed me to get healthy,” she explained, adding that she finally got healthy in 2018 after “intense” therapy.
After Debbie passed in 2013, Jennette left acting behind was finally able to rebel, as she felt she had been “repressed and delayed developmentally” throughout her childhood.
However, her rebellion turned into years of bulimia and eventually an alcohol dependency, which she only recently confronted as a bi-product of her harmful home life.
“It’s a risk to change your life, but I made it my mission,” she claimed, as she abandoned her acting career and has pivoted into writing and directing.
“I did not know how to find my identity without my mom. And I’m not going to lie. It was very hard to get here. But now, I’m at a place in my life that I never would have thought was possible. And I finally feel free,” she confessed.
After starring alongside Miranda Cosgrove on the Nickelodeon original iCarly from 2007 to 2012, Jennette was given her own spinoff, Sam & Cat.
Her acting career continued with the Netflix show Between, but then she diverted into music as she launched a short-lived country career with Capitol Records Nashville.
The Long Beach native abandoned performance once her alcohol addiction took over, and launched a career in writing and directing in 2016.
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