‘My future son-in-law’s mean dad is refusing to pay up his share of wedding’ – Coleen Nolan

Coleen Nolan advises a reader who is in a sticky situation over who pays for her daughter’s wedding. Does she confront her future son in law and risk falling out with him?

Son in law’s mean dad is getting me angry

Dear Coleen

I’ve found myself in a really awkward situation with the parents of my future son-in-law.

My daughter, who’s 26, is getting married next year and my husband and I are very happy about it – her fiance is a great lad. However, I can’t say the same for his parents, particularly his father.

When the engagement was announced, my husband and I said we’d pay for the wedding venue hire, catering and my daughter’s dress, while her ­fiance’s father offered to pay for entertainment and the booze. My daughter and her fiance said they’d pay for the cake and flowers from their savings.

Now, though, his father has decided he doesn’t want to contribute anything to the wedding at all, just as deposits are being asked for.

He now claims it’s our responsibility as parents of the bride and he would rather help them down the line with a deposit for a house.

I don’t know where this has come from. He doesn’t appear to have ­financial issues, in fact, the opposite, he seems much better off than us. I don’t think we can afford the extra outlay, so what do I say to my daughter and her fiance? That he’s ruined the wedding of their dreams?

He’s a cocky guy and I’ve never taken to him but, equally, I don’t want to fall out with him and create a problem for the future. I’m so annoyed – can you advise?

Coleen has some sound advice



Coleen says

Ah, the joys of planning a wedding! I agree, it’s bad to promise something and then go back on it. I guess the thing is, you don’t actually know what his financial situation is at the moment. Like many people, he may have hit hard times thanks to Covid, which is why he’s offering to give them some money at a later date.

In the meantime, if you can’t afford the extra outlay, you’ll just have to plan around it – have a cash bar, for example, and maybe a friend could step in to DJ.

Maybe your daughter’s fiance can talk to his dad to find out why he’s changed his mind, but I don’t think you or your husband should get into an argument with him over it.

He’s made his decision and the best way forward is to come up with a Plan B.

The wedding will be great regardless and it’s worth remembering the point of the day – to celebrate the love between these two young people and not to impress the guests with how much has been spent on it.

What would you advise this reader to do? Have your say in the comment section


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