Sara was looking for love in all the right places, but most of her dating app matches had her constantly swiping left.
“Online dating sucked because of all the time-consuming swiping and meaningless banter,” the 35-year-old New Yorker told The Post. “And there are some guys on there who just want to hook up. I was looking for something more than that.”
After a year of disastrous digital dating, Sara — a financial services specialist, who chose not to share her last name for privacy purposes — was ready to deactivate her account. Then, she met Amy Nobile: New York City’s $10,000 dating guru.
“Hiring Amy for help in the dating world was definitely a major financial investment,” Sara conceded, “but her help was literally invaluable”
Owing to Nobile’s dating app know-how, Sara met her husband on Bumble in 2019. They got married this summer.
“Once my clients make that investment, I give them the tools they need to make quality romantic connections with people that they meet online,” said Nobile. “We work together for four months.”
A 52-year-old divorced mother of two who lives in the West Village, Nobile launched her on-demand dating coach service — Love, Amy — in April 2018 after ditching a career in public relations. It was initially fairly successful, but it’s really taken off amid COVID-19 with business up 200 percent.
“At first when the pandemic hit, people were just frozen. Dating felt unsafe,” Nobile said. “Then about midway through, I started getting an influx of inquiries that all said the same thing: ‘Quarantining solo has forced me to re-evaluate my life and reprioritize what’s important to me. Finding a partner is now top of my list. Help!’”
Nobile came to her new gig after ending her 20-year marriage and diving into the dating scene.
“I was going on four to six dates a day,” she said. “I’d meet my matches for quick 30-minute coffee dates at a Starbucks or Joe & the Juice downtown to find out if we had a connection.”
But after four months of making “every mistake” on the apps — like not filling out her “About Me” bio or only posting “party-girl” pictures on her profile — the Michigan native cracked the code on the do’s and don’ts of swiping one’s way into a fairy-tale romance.
“I finally met my guy [her boyfriend of three years, Brett] when I updated my dating profiles to showcase who I really am and what my core values are,” Nobile said. “The key to being successful on the apps is to display all the characteristics that make you unique. Once you reveal who you really are in your bio and through your pictures, you’ll begin attracting matches who align with your spirit rather than just your exterior.”
Her $10,000 price tag — a fee on par with other NYC dating gurus who charge anywhere between $300 an hour to $50,000 a year — buys clients four months of her services.
“I get to know each client on an intimate level through my nine-page intake questionnaire,” she said. “Then, I revamp their dating profiles to reflect their unique personalities, tastes and values.” The questionnaire asks things such as “What’s your biggest fear around letting love in?” and “What are some of your quirks that your best friends tease you about?”
Nobile also schedules professional photo shoots for her clients and works with them on their flirting techniques. For in-person dates, she teaches clients to practice their “flies” — a dating word she coined that has people coyly gaze into a potential partner’s eyes for three seconds while flashing a flirty smirk.
“I’ve even gone on dates, incognito, to guide them through their face-to-face interactions with matches,” she revealed. It’s not her main method of coaching, but she will sometimes analyze clients’ behavior from across the room and send up a signal for a bathroom meetup if anything needs tweaking.
Nobile will even go undercover online as her clients using a collection of iPads dedicated to each person — she usually has eight to 10 at a time, ranging in age from 25 to 80 — to hook potential matches.
“I log in to my client’s dating accounts, communicating with matches as them, in order to start the banter and flirting,” the romance mentor said, noting that she has her pupils’ permission to temporarily occupy their Hinge or Bumble profiles.
“Then, I’ll set up the first date.”
But her hands-on help isn’t a form of dating app outsourcing.
“My clients do all the work,” Nobile insisted. She encourages her trainees to initiate a brief introductory phone call with matches before a first date in order to gauge compatibility.
“I just get the ball rolling,” she added. “I’m like a set of training wheels on a bike.”
And once chemistry has been established over the phone, Nobile tasks her clients with going on 30-minute coffee dates with several quality matches two to three times a week.
While she can’t guarantee that her pupils will make a lasting love connection during their initial four-month contract, Nobile — who doesn’t have any formal training in relationship therapy — offers clients the option to extend her services on a $2,500 month-to-month basis.
“About 30 percent of my clients meet their person during that first four months,” Nobile said. “For the other 70 percent, it typically takes around six months to a year.”
And she’s confident in her approach, though most of her clients won’t publicly attest to it. “Most clients tell almost no one they’ve hired a dating coach. It’s a sad stigma!”
Amy’s top dating tip
Once her neophytes narrow down their dating pool to one promising paramour, Nobile enforces her crucial “three to four rule.”
“It’s a four-point checklist my clients use on a third date to determine if their budding romance can ultimately grow into a passionate partnership,” she said.
Here’s a breakdown:
- Establish mutual connection: By the third date, you have to be sure that you and your match are connecting on some sort of level. Spiritually, physically, intellectually or emotionally, there needs to be a connection.
- Make sure your core values are aligned: You’ll want to know that you and your match share similar perspectives on family, lifestyle, religion and career goals. This will help you determine whether the match has the potential to build a future with you.
- Gauge their emotionally maturity: Observe how your match expresses themselves in different scenarios. A good indicator of whether a person is emotionally available for a relationship is if they’re clearly articulating their feelings rather than throwing tantrums or “ghosting” — abruptly withdrawing from the relationship without notice or explanation.
- Ask yourself, ‘Are they ready?’: It’s important to know that your match is ready for the type of relationship you want. Be clear about the love you desire and what that looks like to you.