Anyone in lockdown who has chosen a “friend with benefits” for their singles bubble might find themselves facing a new issue.
Let’s be honest, the singles bubble sparked joy for many of us in lockdown who chose to partner up with a “friend with benefits” as opposed to just a mate.
But you will notice a trend is arising among those of us who took the risk. Yep, we’ve found ourselves in ‘situationships’.
What’s that Jana Hocking?! A new dating word that’s got us puzzled? You know, similar to breadcrumbing, ghosting and snowflaking.
Yep! Those new to the dating world, let me explain to you what a situationship is. **clears throat …
A situationship is basically a romantic relationship that hasn’t been defined. Unlike a ‘friends with benefits scenario’ there can be feelings involved in a situationship, but the terms of the relationship and the end goal of the relationship are not defined.
So you catch up on weekends, watch movies, chat, drink wine, have a ‘good time’ and then off you head the next morning. You may talk during the week, you may not, it’s really up to you. And the best thing of all is, there is no pressure.
RELATED: Gross reason ‘rugged’ man wasn’t the one
Now this all sounds magical, right? Well it can be, as long as neither of you catch the ‘feels’.
Yep, the problem with spending time with someone in that kind of scenario is that you run the risk of wanting more.
So, having put myself in this very situation, I decided I needed clarity. What are the do’s and don’ts of a situationship, and how do we avoid getting out of this lockdown without a broken heart, or ruined friendship?
I invited a love and relationship coach, who goes by the name ‘Dr Lurve’ onto my Kinda Sorta Dating podcast to dive deep into this new trend and give me some guidance. And just like the few times in the past where I’ve called on her help, she gave it to me straight!
I was looking for a few cheeky tips on how to avoid catching the feels, or potentially hurting the other person involved, and while there’s nothing you can do to avoid those risks, it turns out it all comes down to that big C-word. Communication.
Now, surely if you’re not in an official ‘relationship’, communication isn’t that important right? Isn’t that the whole reason we often find ourselves in situationships? Because we’re avoiding those deep chats and it doesn’t require too much effort?
Nope. At the end of the day, if you’re going to be in any way, shape or form, romantic with someone, no matter on what level, it’s best to set expectations from the start.
Gaaaaaah, this dating game sure ain’t easy!
So if you find yourself in the singles bubble with someone you’re likely going to be spooning with at some stage, make sure you’ve been open about where your head and heart is at.
RELATED: Unexpected request ‘straight’ men make
Thankfully, my handsome friend and I had that chat about a week before agreeing to partner up. As it stands, my heart beats for someone a little out of the current lockdown radius, and his just beats to its own beat, so happy days.
Now don’t get me wrong, it got a little murky there for a while. Certainly after a very fun night of laughs and Love Island. Oh, and the fact that my birthday popped up out of nowhere (do you hang out together? Is that too relationship-y?!) but it just meant that once again we had to reset and chat things out.
Now listen, I don’t know what the future holds, and that’s what’s so exciting about dating, but I do think we should all listen to the good doctor when she says: “If you’re going to put yourself in a situationship, open up the communication lines!”
Yep, turns out there is no other way of avoiding it. Trust me, I genuinely tried all other avenues.
So, if you’ve found yourself in a situationship or are thinking of giving it a go for lockdown, tune into this week’s podcast. Dr Lurve shares some golden advice, and as always.
I left our conversation feeling much clearer on what I should do, and how to make the most out of this wretched lockdown. She also threw in a few great online dating tips for those who are feeling dud about their current lack of partnership.
Who said your love life had to hit pause just because the country has? Just make sure your head and your heart are somewhat aligned.
Jana Hocking is a podcaster and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking