It’s the dating phenomenon that’s become all too common in 2021. So what is roaching — and how do you know if it’s happening to you?
Like the nasty namesake insect, the act of “roaching” gets its strength from numbers.
The latest memeified dating discourse is here, defining a phenomenon of courtship that is so unfortunately common as to be unavoidable — much like the infamous cockroach itself.
So-called “roaching” refers to the act of hiding the fact that you’re seeing multiple people from a new romantic partner.
While the new companion may realise their partner has other lovers, it only becomes roaching when they “realise there are, in fact, many” other lovers, according to Exclusive Matchmaking CEO Susan Trombetti.
“It’s inspired by the ickiness of seeing one of these nasty little bugs — but knowing when you turn the lights on, there are lots of them.”
To roach is not to cheat, per se, but to be purposefully opaque about your sex life — and there are some telltale signs of this, the latest in a long line of dirty dating trends.
“You can tell if you’re being roached if you feel like the person is not really available or present for you, and very private about certain details,” OkCupid dating coach and host of “The Dates & Mates Podcast” Damona Hoffman told The New York Post.
According to Hoffman, roaching red flags include new partners taking a long time to respond to texts, changing plans at the last minute and not picking up if you call them out of the blue.
“They’ll be very protective over their phone and not keep it connected to their car or have their notifications turned off so there’s no chance you’ll see them pop up on the screen,” Hoffman told The Post.
“Dates will always start and or end at someone’s home — sex will be a part or the focus of all your dates because that is all they want.”
The gig doesn’t usually last too long, though: Roaches, Hoffman said, burn wild but fast.
“People who treat dating apps like their own personal candy store can only keep the momentum going for so long. After a while, they will slip up, burn out or actually catch feelings,” she explained.
The good news is that, as the pandemic slowly ebbs, there’s a lot of fishies in the sea — meaning more potential matches (albeit as well as more potential roachers).
“Now that vaccinations for COVID-19 are widely available … our research has shown that more singles are looking to make up for lost time: whether that’s meeting new people, having sex, or forming intimate connections, which may result in dating and sleeping with multiple people,” Alanna Lauren Greco, Bumble‘s associate director of editorial content, told The Post.
And as unpleasant as its name may be, roaching at least serves as a positive reminder of the importance of being transparent and communicative in relationships.
“Roaching reminds us to prioritise safe sex and to have open and honest conversations with partners around our expectations and preferences,” Greco said.
“Some people may not mind how many partners the person you are seeing is sleeping with, but if you do, you should feel empowered to share your boundaries and prioritise your needs.”
– New York Post