Family Misunderstanding after Mother’s Death

A girl who lost her parents at the age of two meets her late dad’s last wife and half-sister years later. What could’ve been a happy family reunion leads to an ugly spat when the girl tells her stepmom she’s a “stranger” and not her mother because she wanted to erase her late mom. 

 

A parent remarrying can be so soul-crushing for some kids who barely accept that their parent has moved on following the split or demise of their partner. That’s what Redditor ABabySpuddy assumed when her dad married another woman. But fate had other plans for the then two-year-old child.

The death of a loved one can have a significant impact, especially when you’re too young to understand anything. Redditor ABabySpuddy lost her mom a few days after her birth. Her dad married another woman hoping to fulfill his toddler’s motherly needs, but his efforts came to a colossal standstill after he died, leaving his pregnant wife to tend to his daughter.

Did the child embrace her stepmom? Well, not really…

A REQUEST FROM HALF-SISTER

When a kid loses their parents, the immediate people to fight for custody would be the grandparents or close relatives. Likewise, the Original Poster (OP)’s grandparents fought for her custody and won. For years, OP grew under their custody, having gone no contact with her stepmom and half-sister, but not until she received a request via Facebook. She explained:

“My mom’s family fought for custody of me and won. I was raised by them with contact with my dad’s parents and siblings but not his other kid. I met her for the first time two weeks ago. She reached out to me via Facebook.”

Meeting a half-sibling after years of miscommunication can be overwhelming. That’s what OP thought, but to her dismay, her stepmom started venting at her grandparents instead of cherishing their meeting. Little did she know OP wouldn’t take such criticisms about her grandparents lightly.

“I TOLD HER SHE WAS A STRANGER TO ME”

One problem that can arise for kids of any age is the resistance to the idea of a new spouse as a parent. When the Redditor met her stepmom, the woman acted like they’d known each other, and OP felt it was awkward. However, she listened patiently but lost her cool when her stepmom lashed at her grandparents, calling them “terrible.”

“I told her to stop speaking about my grandparents that way. She told me she had every right to talk that way, and I should understand. I told her she was a stranger to me, they are my family who raised and loved me, and she was not making herself look very good in my eyes,” OP wrote.

When a parent remarries, not all kids would be okay with it. Some kids refuse to let their parent’s new spouse into their lives, eventually breeding friction in the family. But what happens when a parent refuses to let go of their spouse despite knowing they’d moved on with someone else? Redditor TTawFASTPDQ experienced a similar nightmare.

SOME KIDS GROW UP HATING THEIR PARENT’S NEW PARTNER 

Not only did her mother still love her husband, but she couldn’t accept he was manipulative and horrible. However, she got kicked out when he found another woman, and they married. Unfortunately, OP grew up hating her dad’s new wife and deprived them of becoming grandparents to her kid. She wrote:

“The last time he called, he talked about being a grandma and grandpa his wife, and I told him NO. I will be okay letting him have limited contact with the baby, but I will not let his new wife be a grandma.”

A parent moving on with someone else isn’t taken lightly by all kids. For instance, the Redditor feared risking her healthy relationship with her family and refused to let her dad’s mistress into her life though he tried fixing things with her.

Unfortunately, some emotional wounds can never be healed, and Reddit user widoweraita’s story resonates well with the emotional stress kids experience on seeing their father remarried to someone else.

SINGLE DAD REFRAINS DAUGHTER FROM MEETING HER GRANDFATHER

A single dad who recently lost his wife felt it was necessary to oblige to his wife’s last wish—she didn’t want him to tell her estranged father about her passing. Also, she demanded he not let their daughter mingle with her grandfather. “She didn’t want our daughter to have any relationship with him,” he explained, adding:

“My late wife was estranged from her father for the last 7 years of her life. Growing up, she was a daddy’s girl, but their relationship changed for the worse after her father got remarried. Her stepmother resented her, and it made her relationship with her father really difficult.”

OP’s father-in-law learned about his daughter’s death through a social media post and flew to his state to vent his anger. After a heated argument at his workplace, OP’s father-in-law said he wanted to see his granddaughter. But the Redditor said it wouldn’t be possible as he was obliged to respect his late wife’s wishes.

“I’M NOT OKAY WITH MY FATHER’S REMARRIAGE”

Most kids would be annoyed by an obnoxious new addition to the family. Though remarriage may have positive aspects, kids might often look for different things from the newfound relationship. For instance, a person posted how they were not okay with their father’s remarriage on a Quora forum. A respondent named Robert Garrett advised him to respect his father’s choice, saying:

“Don’t add to his burdens with your behavior. If he has made a bad decision and your fears are correct, he’ll find out soon enough.”

Another user named Senghor Etienne advised the person to act responsibly and not judge his father for his choice. Some people who side with remarrying parents claim that kids who’re unfavorable with the decision might understand it when they’re grown adults and parents themselves.

NOT ALL KIDS GET ALONG WITH THEIR STEPPARENT

Some people feel that respecting a parent getting remarried would avoid friction in the family, mainly when kids don’t get along with their new stepparent. Also, there’s an adage to this: If you don’t like the person your parent has remarried, you should try to get to know them better.

However, not every kid is open to the idea of their dad remarrying another woman. They find it hard to process the reality and see someone else take over their mom’s place.

Eventually, grudge seeds in and creates friction in the family, eventually forcing kids to grow up hating their father and their newfound love. Fortunately, some kids embrace the concept of remarriage as they feel their single father should have spousal support for the rest of his life.

Nevertheless, some children take a lot of time to refine the reality and may need help to understand the concept of remarriage without being judgmental towards why and what urged their father to make the significant move.

Do you think parents dating, falling in love again, and eventually deciding to remarry reminds kids of their original family and the life they once had with their parents? Kids often feel awkward having getting used to the “step” family concept. What’s your take on this? We’d love to know your opinions. Thanks for reading!

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