Hello, my Housewives Lovers! We have completed phase 1 of our RHOBH Reunion Marathon, and I don’t know about you, but I’m still standing … easily, in fact.
Yeah, we had the Dorit moment where she screamed out, “LET ME FINISH GARCELLE!” but we haven’t gotten into the real meat of it all just yet.
So grab your towel and blot off that small bead of sweat you might have worked up, sneak in a tequila shot for Garcelle, and throw your hair up like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen when they were 12 for Kyle, and let’s recap … before the REAL work begins.
I give you our three main takeaways:
Andy begins with Erika
Teeing up the hurricane that we know is sure to come, Andy started softly by asking Erika how she slept:
To which Erika answered, “very well.”
Erika clearly is not going to back down. In fact, she says she’s not a quitter. She’s ready for the challenge, so watch her.
Watch her do what … I’m not sure. I’ve mostly been focused on how much Erika’s face has changed since previous reunions or even the finale episode, for that matter.
Regardless, Erika proceeds to throw out the word “alleged” from everything to Tom’s actions to the victims! “Alleged victims.” Sit with that. I get being a lawyer’s ex-wife and all … but she might want to back down now from that .. or should she … would that admit wrongdoing by her? … But, wait, she hasn’t been sued … or where is Detective Sutton when you need her?
Single Sutton has come a long way
Oh, there she is, looking jazzy in blue and talking about how her boyfriend broke up with her on Valentine’s weekend, ending it by simply telling her, “I can’t.”
But don’t cry for Sutton Argentina, she’s out there living her best life in her new $5 million home and dating!
Just don’t tell Erika that because Erika is on the prowl for “big d**ks” and she can’t seem to find them anywhere!
Erika clearly thinks it’s a crime for Sutton to have a man and not her, and that was about the extent of Erika tonight – try as she might to interject herself wherever she could with her unfortunate state of affairs.
Rinna and Dorit gang up on Garcelle
The main drama came between Rinna and Garcelle / Dorit and Garcelle / and Rinna and Dorit teaming up on solo Garcelle!
Bolognaise I say!
Rinna gives the old song and dance about Garcelle not being vulnerable enough as a friend and you know what Rinna?! Just cut the crap. Yeah, I like your outfit and all tonight – especially how the pantyhose match the dress – but I’ve had enough of these tag-teaming tactics by you and Dorit (who I also might add looks stunning in her white beaded ball gown). But enough’s enough! Need I remind you of Garcelle’s breakdown weeks ago that earned her the ticket into the Inner Circle?
And, on cue, Rinna (being the Rinna that she is) takes the opportunity to show off her outfit by standing up and traipsing over to Garcelle’s side of the room.
Rinna gives Garcelle a big old hug to force her way into a friendship again, but I just feel like I’m watching middle school drama between fake friends with this whole scene.
Run Garcelle. Run.
Next week, in our second bout, Erika gets called out for her “alleged victims” comment, Kathy Hilton breaks down(?!), and Erika reveals that Tom had at least three mistresses. It’s just another Wednesday in Beverly Hills my loves.
In the meantime, be sure to follow our Instagram where I do weekly Twitter roundups, and where you can see Kyle’s hairstyle that I’m talking about. I’m off to watch Two of a Kind! ‘Til next week, my Housewives-Lovers!
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Bravo.